My First 9 Months in Paris – The Good, the Bad and the “Phhfff”

As of today, I have been in Paris for 9 months.  Besides a small break to go home for Christmas, the last ~270 days have been all Europe all the time. Which has been great.  That is why I came. I wanted to be here to experience a new culture, learn a new language, travel to see all that the Schengen Area has to offer and pick-up some French cooking tips (maybe kiss a French boy or two too! but shhhh!).  However, what I have just realized this last week, is that my honeymoon-stage with France is officially over.  I don’t know what or when the changing point was…perhaps just the daily living that makes any place feel less like a fairy tale (even Paris!) and more like any city where all the elements of the human condition exist: good, bad and otherwise….but it did.  I guess it had to happen at some point.

Now that the rose-colored glasses are gone (perhaps I left them on the metro), I think I am now entering a different and perhaps more “real-life” stage of my experience here.

To acknowledge this, ehr, milestone (?) I thought it would be apt to note a few of my favorite French things, most hated French things as well as new French gestures, facial expressions or nuances I have taken on since living here.

THE GOOD

This is a piece of cake…or perhaps I should say “a morsel of Pierre Hermé’s Infiniment Chocolat macaroon” :)! Here are some highlights I really haven’t talked about before:

1) Being called “Madame“!

We, in the USA, need to lose the “Ma’am” and adopt the “Madame“…seriously.  It is so elegant. And even when it is preceded by telling me something I don’t want to hear, just by ending with Madame seems to make it okay. Alright, I exaggerate a little…but I do enjoy it.  Just last night on the metro, some young man bumped me as he went to sit down.  His, “Excusez-moi, Madame!” was so delightful that I thought I wouldn’t mind being  bumped again. I do appreciate the formality here, and I will never tire of, “Merci, Madame!” “Bon journée, Madame!” or even “C’est pas possible, Madame!”

2) The expat community.

Yeah, yeah…I know, the only way I will improve my French is to have French friends.  And I do.  Trust me. But as the saying goes, ‘birds of a feather’….so I flock to the wonderful world that is known as the expat community.  My friend list here reads like a great ratatouille recipe, but substitute the fresh veggies with vibrant nations from around the globe.  China, Ireland, Morocco, Brazil, Mexico, India, Japan, Australia, England, Canada…and, of course, America. The people I meet here are from every walk of life, so well-traveled and usually d*mn interesting! It is also through this community that I have been able to participate in literature courses, cooking classes, museum visits and the BEST wine tasting classes that I have ever experienced.

3) The terms of endearment in the beautiful French language.

Who wouldn’t want to be called “ma chérie”? Definitely not me.  I think is is soooo adorable, and the French love to refer to their significant others this way.  You won’t hear,”My boyfriend and I are going to the movie tonight.”  No, no, no! But you will hear, “Mon chéri et moi, nous allons au cinema ce soir.” Ah, always makes me melt. The French also have some other ridiculously cute names for partners (they seem to like to use animals…and one small insect): Mon Poulette/Ma Poule (My Chicken), Ma Biche (My Doe….but you don’t call a man, My Stag…FYI 🙂 ), Mon Lapin (My Rabbit), Ma Puce (My flea!!).  I will definitely update you if I am ever called a flea!

 Me taking notes at one of the fantastic cooking classes I learned about through the Parisian Expat community.

We made Coquilles Saint Jacques aux Pommes with Braised Endives that day. Our instructor’s name is Francoise and she opened the first private cooking studio in Paris.

THE BAD

1) The cardinal red bureaucratic tape.

No news here, but unless you live it I don’t think you can comprehend how stifling it can be at times.  I didn’t.

The frustration level that most of us feel inside when dealing with the French authority I once saw best exhibited outwardly by a young Asian woman. I was at the Cours Municipaux D’Adultes run by the City of Paris.  Like her, I was trying to sign up for one of the language classes (along with a sea of other étrangers).  Going into the experience I had resigned to the fact that I would get a lot of “Nos” because the classes are SO in demand and frankly, I hadn’t exactly done everything required to get a spot (I got 4 different “nos” from 4 different people…but they all said, “No, Madame,” so I was fine). Her reaction was different.  I can only assume she thought she had a spot or she had done everything correctly, but when she was met with the same stone cold faces as I was with a “NO” and with no suggestions for alternatives, she went wild.  She first started crying, then screaming, then tearing all the papers and posters off the wall…she was finally carried out kicking and screaming by security.  The bureaucrats  behind the desk who had delivered the disappointing news, stayed emotionless and motionless the entire rant.  Apparently, they must see this reaction all time.

I think most of us have that little Asian girl inside of us when we have to renew our visas, apply for citizenship, apply for health cards, etc…the hard part is containing her.

2) The high calcium in the water.

Perhaps trivial, but it is as annoying as arriving to the boulangerie right after the last baguette has sold (BTW – this is not a pretty site and can be riot inducing)!  Limescale spots are everywhere…on glasses, faucets, silverware, shower glass.  It is harmless to the hair or for drinking (it is actually better for you!), but as aesthetically-inclined as the French are you would think they would clamor for another .5% addition to the VAT to figure out how to rid their water of it. Who knows, peut-être of the 1.6% VAT increase that Sarkozy just announced, a portion is already earmarked just for this cause.

3) No SNACKING!

This is perhaps one of the most astounding and disheartening cultural phenoms to me (being a Pringles-between-meals girl), but the French really aren’t into snacking.  My experience has been that if it is too close to a meal time, a Frenchy won’t share a baguette with me (or even take a bite!). If it is after a meal, he/she won’t even eat one of the peanuts in the little bowl served with glass of wine. OH THE DISCIPLINE IS SO IRRITATING! And to top it off, forget about ordering popcorn at the movies!  I once thought that a French man had invited me to a movie because he knew I was a good-American and would smuggle in candy.  Nope. I think he was a bit disappointed in me when I gleeful opened my purse to reveal my stash of M&Ms.  He politely declined, and said he never eats during a movie.  What!? What is the point to going?

The verb for “to snack” in French is grignoter. Probably the least used word in the French vocab. Oh well, saves on learning how to conjugate it in the conditional past tense :).

The reason why  l’administration francaise remains manageable!

 THE NEW BEHAVIOURS

If I am living with them, I am going to start acting like them!  Here are a few of my new french-inspired behavioral acquisitions:

1) Blowing air out of my lightly pursed lips making a “Phhfff” sound when I don’t know something, am exasperated by something or surprised by something.  Add a light shoulder shrug, raise the eyebrows and shake the head a bit with the “I don’t know” Phfff sound and one might think I was born in Normandy versus San Diego…that is how good I am getting it at it. 🙂

2) The “don’t you dare talk to me” face while walking the rues of Paris. At home, well, in most countries, I am a very smiley thing…but it is definitely out of place here, so I have turned my smile upside down!  It is a lot of work, but when in Paris….

3) Eating with my fork in my left hand and my knife in my right.  Gone are the days were I keep one hand under the table and eat with just my right hand.  And as a note, the French do wonder what we do DO with that other hand hiding under the table :)!

 One of the things I love about France!

Her national emblem is a strong woman named Marianne.  She represents liberty, reason and the triumph of the Republic. You can find this Delacroix piece at the Louvre.

***

The honeymoon may be over, but I do still love every day here.  However, my love has transformed.  It is no longer the flash-in-the-pan, desirous love of a new romance, but rather a more comfortable, unconditional love that is found when you accept your love for his flaws as well as his exceptionalism.  The love that allows a relationship to flourish.

Looking forward to mois 10!  One of my goals in the next few months is to go to an escargot farm!  I know, “Aim high, Jen.”

Plan YOUR Adventure:

This is where I have found a lot of my great cultural, food and wine classes:

http://wice-paris.org/